Howdy Y'all

Folks 'round here call me "Iron-Gut" Kevin, mainly on account of the time I ate a scorpion whole just to prove a point to a passing bandito. I hail from the scorched earth of El Paso, born in the shadow of the Franklin Mountains where the heat makes you see things that ain't there and the tequila makes you do things you wish you hadn't.

I've been haunting the dusty streets of this town since before the asphalt dried. I ain't here to bore you with city-slicker talk. I'm here to tell you the real history of the West—like the time me and Sheriff "One-Eye" McGinty held off a stampede of rabid armadillos with nothin' but a banjo and a bottle of mezcal. Or the truth about what really goes on in the basement of the Plaza Hotel on a full moon.

So hang your hat, partner. If you're lookin' for polite conversation, keep ridin'. But if you want to know which saloon serves the coldest beer, why you never trust a man wearing clean boots, and how to look a rattlesnake in the eye without blinkin', you've found your home. Welcome to my El Paso.